I met Crazy Bitch at the dive bar near work. I went there all the time because I had a thing for the bartender - more on her later.
Crazy Bitch answered my ad, said she had moved from the same place at the same time I had. Surely nothing but a giant coincidence. So she walks in.
Now I don’t even want to describe her appearance too much for multiple reasons one being she’s still around and I wouldn’t want to cause her any kind of inconvenience - despite it all, despite what she did, I still can’t get her off my mind.
Plus whatever chick is crazy enough to read this won’t be able to put herself into the character if she looks too different from her. I read that’s important in writing fiction or something.
But I can say she was tall and slender and had long, gorgeous curly hair.
Plus she was somewhat of a fashion plate. She almost always wore dresses - I had to beg her to wear the jeans she looked so hot in sometimes. Plus, every dress - every damn one - I noticed it immediately. They always had some little strap, some little hook, some way to … grab her. Er, to restrain her let’s say. You know it’s a thing. You know, a chain thing. Figure it out.
It wasn’t really even a “date” though - we both set low expectations. It was going to be a “friend” thing - we’d talk about where we had just moved from and both of us mentioned we were looking for an apartment in the city. She was living with some mean REDACTED woman way downtown and I was living with these three hipsters girls way uptown. Neither of us were happy with our situations - of course the three hipster girls were fine but I could tell I was adding too much testosterone to the apartment and then there was the whole privacy thing - you know how chicks are. We both were just in temporary situations.
But I didn’t make the fateful decision to move in with her for a few weeks, and the entire world changed in those few weeks. So with all the crazy shit that was happening, I really didn’t think sharing an apartment with a woman like her would be that big of a deal.
Yeah, I never claimed to be a smart guy. I should have seen it coming and she should have seen it coming. But it was a crazy time so we just sort of rushed into things.
Or at least that’s what I always thought. But now? With years, decades of hindsight? It wasn’t all just one giant coincidence.
First of all, she “just happened” to live in the same neighborhood I had, and I was living there with Angel’s friend who got me on the damn chain in the first place. She also “just happened” to move at the exact same time I did to the exact place I did. Then she “just happened” to answer my ad. Then she “just happened” to offer to share an apartment with me.
Oh right and I had "just happened" to have seen her once in that neighborhood, when we were both doing the "walk of shame" at like eight in the morning still wearing our party clothes. Just another coincidence I guess.
Whatever, shit happens I guess.
So I buy her some wine, we chat, it’s all nice and fine. We flirt a bit but honestly it was more friendly than anything. She was quite charming, I mean I was obviously quite attracted to her. I think she thought I was cute enough and all. So after two drinks I give her a kiss on the cheek and she takes her leave.
But I mean it wasn't just her that was suspicious, the whole damn job was, the whole move, everything. Little did I know.
But I'd find out soon enough.
Hello sweet pie I'm really glad that you could make it I think we should get straight to business Show me what you've got Iit's all yours Yes boss I'm on the mic I'll try to give you what you like I can be soft, I can be hard Let me do the B-part, please, please Sugar sugar so close yet so far I would love to take you to the B-part But I'm afraid we're not quite there yet So darling grab the mic again and give it your best shot Yes boss I'm on the mic I'll try to give you what you like I can be soft, I can be hard Let me do the B-part, please, please Oh yeah that's what I call sweet music I really like what you're doing here Yet I think you're gonna have to work a little bit harder Baby just a little bit harder Yes boss I'm on the mic I'll try to give you what you like I can be soft, I can be hard Let me do the B-part, please, please Oh yeah what to go Now we're really getting somewhere It's getting hot in here Hit me baby one more time Yes boss I'm on the mic I'll try to give you what you like I can be soft, I can be hard Let me do the B-part, please, please Ooh la la I think you've really got me there baby Here comes the B-part