Sometimes you make a split second decision, in the spur of the moment, that changes everything forever.
I met Songbird at the same time I met Crazy Bitch. I had gone out with both of them that week, then had emailed that weekend or something. Songbird emailed me immediately, worried, asking if I was ok.
Crazy Bitch?
She didn’t even respond. Instead of taking that as a hint I took it as a challenge, stupidly. So I emailed her again, she responded, we meet up again for drinks on a work night. Well she suggests some after-hours club she likes but she wanted to go back to her apartment and change. It was a huge pain in the ass, and not even really safe, where she was. She was renting a room with the mean REDACTED lady who flipped the hell out on her because I had gone up with her. She basically tried to illegally evict her in the middle of the night.
Crazy Bitch said she didn’t feel comfortable staying there that night, so I suggested getting a hotel. I promised to be a complete gentleman and promised I wouldn’t make a move on her. She agreed. I kept that promise. We go out and party then come back to the hotel and fall asleep next to each other.
There is one moment our hands sort of barely touched and, you know, we both could feel the energy, a little jolt of electricity. She remembered that moment too. But I was adamant about keeping my promise so I didn’t lay a hand on her.
Maybe that is why she agreed to get an apartment with me. It was never supposed to be more than a very temporary arrangement anyway.
Songbird I met at the dive bar when she was playing guitar and singing at some sort of open mic thing. We all started going out as a threesome - we had all just moved to town and didn’t really know many people so this was how we were going to socialize. Because of the situation with the mean landlord, Crazy Bitch was motivated to get another place. So we go to one of the apartment brokers that exist to scam newcomers trying to get apartments, but at the last minute Crazy Bitch gets cold feet, thinks it’s too much money.
But then the apartment broker says he won’t refund her his fee - she had put down several thousand dollars - even though she wasn’t signing the lease. She flipped out and sicced her friend Joey on him who basically threatened him in both legal and not legal ways to give her some kind of break. She eventually decides it is better to just sign and not lose a deposit for nothing.
I mean it was a hell of a sight, we’re in the broker’s office and she is crying as she is counting out hundred dollar bills.
Well we get the keys and go to the apartment. I move in some of my stuff immediately and bought a temporary couch thing to sleep on. She was going to move in that weekend. So we all go out to celebrate - Songbird, Crazy Bitch, and me. We have a rousing good time and we’re all a bit wasted at this point. We go back to the apartment to show Songbird, drink wine, and do cocaine. After a bit they are going to leave and Crazy Bitch and Songbird are going to share a cab uptown.
But I really, really didn’t want to be alone that night. After everything that happened - it wasn’t even a sexual thing really. I just wanted some intimate human contact, I swear. So I am walking them out to a cab and I start to kind of panic.
So that split second decision that changes everything? I chose to drag Crazy Bitch out of the cab. At the very last minute, I just wouldn’t shut the cab door and I grabbed her hand and said, wait, I’ll call you a cab later. She was surprised but got out of the cab and we said goodbye to Songbird.
I mean Songbird knew, she could figure it out.
So I just take Crazy Bitch inside and I just start flirting with her outrageously. I told her we should kiss. She said this would really complicate our supposedly platonic roommate relationship. But I told her it was inevitable and we’d get curious at some point so we may as well get it over with.
So I grabbed her and kissed her. I mean, she did this combination moan and sigh thing she always did when I really turned her on - it was my favorite sound. We lay down on that couch thing and go at it like horny teenagers. I guess there was more attraction on her side than I realized.
Or who knows maybe she was just drunk.
But that was the decision - I could have grabbed either Songbird or Crazy Bitch out of that cab that night.
I chose Crazy Bitch.
Which clearly makes me the crazy one.
I gave up on giving up the summer of 2000 Sweating through my gym shorts career in painting houses I found out every member of Metallica was divorced My brother kept on beating me at horse I applied to work at NASA but I was scared of seeing the world as a tiny blue dot I guess you have to do that if you wanna be an astronaut I guess you have to do a lot of things that you don't wanna do And by you, I mean me, and by me, I mean you Life is what you make it Well that's the worst advice I ever got Life gives me spaghetti I tie it into knots Life gives me lemons I eat them on the spot Fuck Life gives me confetti and I smoke it like it's pot Woah are you feeling it man? I think I'm feeling it Should I take more? Are you feeling it too? And by you, I mean me, and by me, I mean you And by you, I mean me, and by me, I mean you And by you, I mean I, and by I, I mean us And by us, I mean them I guess that's everyone